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I don't mind angry monkeys as long as they're not angry with me. Last time they were angry with me, I woke up to find my walls smeared with monkey shit and a small fire in the corner of my room.

What had I done to enrage these monkeys? I had laughed at one of them when it fell from a tree. The other monkeys laughed too, but because I'm human, the monkeys got mad.

Well cram it monkeys, I hope you ALL fall from trees.

Posted by JCP on Friday, 21st May 2004

People say we're really fucking closely related to apes. Other people say there's a planet full of them somewhere out there.

I say there's a planet full of them right here. You should see some of the fucking knuckle-scrapers at a Millwall home game.

Posted by Dave Dingle on Saturday, 5th June 2004