Magic Eight Balls are just that: balls. I have never received one straight answer from them.
"Dear Magic Eight Ball, will the Stationery Girl go completely nuts for me?" ...Wouldn't Count On It.
"Dear Magic Eight Ball, will you give me a definite answer, please?" ...Outlook Not So Good.
"Dead Magic Eight Ball, are you of no real purpose to me in the course of my life?" ...Evidence Says Yes.