BogDamus

In days of yore (i.e.; a long time ago), a bloke called Nostradamus came up with a bunch of vague predictions that seemed to mirror things that happened in real life. What are the odds that we can do better?
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27th November

No predictions for this date yet...

Also predicted for November

Saturday, 12th November 2011: After deciding that he has finally made enough money (with a personally fortune greater than the national GDP of Paraguay), Bill Gates starts giving Windows Vista away without charge.

Number of instances of people voluntarily using Vista increases by 300,000 in the first month but is only 4 the following month (those 4 not knowing how to uninstall the cluster-fucked operating system).
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Wednesday, 18th November 2009: The credit crunch ends but no one except politicians and Rupert Murdoch has any money left.
Posted by Mzebonga on Saturday, 25th July 2009
Friday, 20th November 2015: All turds will be of a uniform size and weight. Any turds not conforming to these standards will be confiscated.
Posted by Festus on Saturday, 1st August 2009
Monday, 15th November 2021: Genetic scientists figure out why Chris De Burgh is so ugly and his daughter is so not.

After years of study into this isolated phenomenon their resolution is simple: she's not his daughter.
Posted by Mzebonga on Thursday, 12th November 2009

Also predicted between October and December

Friday, 21st December 2012: After a massive frenzy the day before, due to the Mayan predictions of the end of the world, everybody is so relieved that no one goes to work the next day.

As a result, nuclear power stations suffer massive meltdowns and 98% of all life on the planet is destroyed within 72 hours.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Tuesday, 31st December 2999: Philip J Fry is thawed from his accidental cryogenic sleep. Much hilarity ensues.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Tuesday, 14th October 2397: The Church of Scientology begins to divide up Vatican City amongst its rich patrons. "St Peter's Square" is renamed "Xenu's Great Launchpad" and Tom Cruise's face is painted over Adam's on the roof of the Sistine Chapel (becoming the "Creation of Tom" instead of the "Creation of Adam").

Historians decry the event and weep as thousands of priceless, ancient texts dating back to the alleged time of Jesus become framed decorations for John Travolta's toilet.

Ultimately, the entire city nation is abandoned as angry scholars from around the globe chase the Hollywood A-listers back to California where they belong.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Friday, 20th December 2013: Sean Connery enters a prime-time BBC celebrity dance contest against Stephen Fry to secure independence for Scotland.

After sympathetic votes from the Welsh vote (Catherine Zeta Jones) and a bizarre, unexpected vote for the English by the Irish judge (Bono), the result is decided by the US judge, George Lucas.

After declaring that he was overwhelmed by one performer's dance and that, for him their could only be one winner (showing a bizarre sense of drama for someone so shit at writing for the screen), Mr Lucas is killed when an irate Star Wars fanatic seizes an opportunity and bludgeons him to death,

All work on the new live-action Star Wars series is halted indefinitely. The international community of Star Wars fans breath a collective sigh of relief.

Drawing on the parallels of Darth Vader's fall (from great Jedi to Sith Lord), Star Wars fans honour Lucas' life and acknowledge his similar fall (from screenwriting legend to washed-up hack) by burning his body on a pyre in the Twilight hours.
Posted by Mzebonga on Sunday, 26th July 2009
Friday, 23rd October 2020: Chester erects an enormous "Hollyoaks" sign to honour 25 years since the show began.

A bunch of blonde-haired bints who haven't really done anything worth noting show up to unveil it.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 24th August 2009
Tuesday, 31st December 2019: A torrid decade comes to an end.

The decade begins with massive civil unrest over whether to call the year "Twenty Ten" or "Two Thousand and Ten" with those favouring the former branding those supporting the latter "Future Haters".

Further friction accompanies the naming of the decade with many disatisfied at the naming of the previous decade the "noughties" and equally appalled by the choice of the name "tennies".

Massive riots punctuate the decade with rival groups bringing major cities to a standstill in bitter clashes.

Politicians themselves are unable to agree appropriate legislation to settle the dispute and, instead, agree that time should be taken to negotiate with leaders from each faction whilst charging it to a massive expense account,
Posted by Mzebonga on Saturday, 16th January 2010
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