BogDamus

In days of yore (i.e.; a long time ago), a bloke called Nostradamus came up with a bunch of vague predictions that seemed to mirror things that happened in real life. What are the odds that we can do better?
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1st January

1st January in the year Old Woman On A Bicycle: Scientists get bored of numbers and announce to the world that the year will be named by unanimous vote of a committee of scientists who will chose a name based on random things they see on their walk to work.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Thursday, 1st January 2015: Constipation will be abolished.
Posted by Festus on Monday, 27th July 2009

Also predicted for January

Sunday, 15th January 2068: Aliens invade the Earth and dominate mankind, forcing them to harvest runner beans that will fuel their spaceship on its final leg to their homeworld of Boenen.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Wednesday, 15th January 2025: All hens will have to give written consent before their eggs are removed.
Posted by Festus on Friday, 9th October 2009

Also predicted between December and February

Friday, 21st December 2012: After a massive frenzy the day before, due to the Mayan predictions of the end of the world, everybody is so relieved that no one goes to work the next day.

As a result, nuclear power stations suffer massive meltdowns and 98% of all life on the planet is destroyed within 72 hours.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Monday, 7th February 2394: The Church of Scientology officially buys the Catholic Church proving once and for all that it was all about the money.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Monday, 25th February 2013: Nicholas Cage receives an Oscar for his latest movie "Some Addict Guy Dies Most Horribly But Goes On A Spiritual Journey After Learning He Has Weeks To Live".

The movie is critically acclaimed but considered by the general public to be poorly-acted, self-congratulatory bollocks - much like Denzel Washington in Training Day.

The win is taken as proof positive that the Academy Awards have no basis in reality and due to overwhelming viewer pressure, the only network that has the sheer balls (or lack of cognitive capacity) to continue showing them is Fox.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Tuesday, 31st December 2999: Philip J Fry is thawed from his accidental cryogenic sleep. Much hilarity ensues.
Posted by Mzebonga on Monday, 20th July 2009
Friday, 20th December 2013: Sean Connery enters a prime-time BBC celebrity dance contest against Stephen Fry to secure independence for Scotland.

After sympathetic votes from the Welsh vote (Catherine Zeta Jones) and a bizarre, unexpected vote for the English by the Irish judge (Bono), the result is decided by the US judge, George Lucas.

After declaring that he was overwhelmed by one performer's dance and that, for him their could only be one winner (showing a bizarre sense of drama for someone so shit at writing for the screen), Mr Lucas is killed when an irate Star Wars fanatic seizes an opportunity and bludgeons him to death,

All work on the new live-action Star Wars series is halted indefinitely. The international community of Star Wars fans breath a collective sigh of relief.

Drawing on the parallels of Darth Vader's fall (from great Jedi to Sith Lord), Star Wars fans honour Lucas' life and acknowledge his similar fall (from screenwriting legend to washed-up hack) by burning his body on a pyre in the Twilight hours.
Posted by Mzebonga on Sunday, 26th July 2009
Tuesday, 31st December 2019: A torrid decade comes to an end.

The decade begins with massive civil unrest over whether to call the year "Twenty Ten" or "Two Thousand and Ten" with those favouring the former branding those supporting the latter "Future Haters".

Further friction accompanies the naming of the decade with many disatisfied at the naming of the previous decade the "noughties" and equally appalled by the choice of the name "tennies".

Massive riots punctuate the decade with rival groups bringing major cities to a standstill in bitter clashes.

Politicians themselves are unable to agree appropriate legislation to settle the dispute and, instead, agree that time should be taken to negotiate with leaders from each faction whilst charging it to a massive expense account,
Posted by Mzebonga on Saturday, 16th January 2010
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