George (Friday, 16th February 2007, 00:00) : Where is my mind? I left it on the bus to Wooton Bassett. It helped me get my job.
Festus (Sunday, 18th February 2007, 00:00) : Perhaps if I leave mine on the bus I will get a job?
George (Monday, 19th February 2007, 00:00) : But sir, what can you lose when you never actually had it?
Festus (Monday, 19th February 2007, 00:00) : Okay - okay. I haven't got a mind and I haven't got a fucking job! Do you have to rub salt into the wound? Hey man - what about those salty cunts?
George (Friday, 23rd February 2007, 00:00) : I'm sure at one point one of us has issued the phrase "Fellatio Hornblower" to the public domain...
Festus (Saturday, 24th February 2007, 00:00) : I think that this has all become way to risque for JCP. The vile depraved depths to which we have plunged is way to abhorrent for her delicate system. George is the man - lewd, perverted little rat's pecker that he is. I love him!!
Festus (Wednesday, 28th February 2007, 00:00) : I mean - what is the point? No bugger reads this stuff anyway. I'm just some sad, friendless sap who cannot resist posting mindless drivel in here. This high security prison has free internet access, so this is the only social outlet I have. I mean - even the owner doesn't post! That twat George is a dubious blighter but a great soul-mate. I mean - what is the point eh? ANSWER ME! What is the point? Have a nice day.
George (Friday, 2nd March 2007, 00:00) : I dunno much about the point but I know for damn sure that if I keep eating wotsits whilst watching porn my dick will start glowing like a it girl in a sunbed...
Festus (Friday, 2nd March 2007, 00:00) : Mmmm. I can definitely see the point in that George. I haven't seen my dick for years it hides under my beer gut. Comes in useful when I need a piss. If Wotsits make your dick glow, what do Doritos do??
Festus (Friday, 2nd March 2007, 00:00) : This section now has a new name. It is - "All About Festus & George". Hoorah!
George (Friday, 2nd March 2007, 00:00) : Inbreeding meets satire.
Mzebonga (Saturday, 3rd March 2007, 00:00) : Would people stop refering to this site as satirical? This is a nasty trend started by two-bit, half-assed Swindon reporter Barry "It ain't news but I don't care" Hudson.
There is little on this site that is actually satirical (that I know of). We hit a lot of other areas of humour in the Woody Allen sort of areas but satire... I think not.
Wikipedia (oh, fountain of all that there is to know) says: "usually witty, and often very funny, the purpose of satire is not primarily humour but criticism of an event, an individual or a group in a clever manner".
There's nothing funny or clever about this site.
Festus (Sunday, 4th March 2007, 00:00) : Well, it's hardly fucking Times Online is it? Mind you, we could have a headline - "Site owner posts - shock". The Lord and Master has spoken. "IT IS NOT SATIRE". Well, that's you amd I screwed then George. A couple of hapless wankers wasting our fucking time! This "Old Spot" no longer brings home the bacon!! "Spam, spam, spam, spam - lovely spam, wonderful spam . . . "
Festus (Saturday, 7th July 2007, 00:00) : Come on George, be satirical. Oh those salty rhubarb crumbles!!
Mzebonga (Saturday, 7th July 2007, 00:00) : Reading Festus' constant and non-sequitur references to salty cunts never fails to bring a shiver to my spine.
While I recognise that he is attempting to make reference to pretsels, the thought of Festus doing anything that might enable him to find out whether or not an actual cunt is salty is quite abhorrent to me.
In fact, I think there should be a general order on any evidence of Festus doing anything that may involve breeding (or constitute a pre-cursor to breeding) being destroyed.
Let this order go forth.
Festus (Saturday, 7th July 2007, 00:00) : I forgot. Mzebonga HATES rhubarb.
Festus (Monday, 23rd July 2007, 00:00) : Hello. Is there anybody there? George, JCP - Mzebonga even?
No - just me. Quiet isn't it? Any requests? No? Oh well - FUCK OFF then!!!